I just adore trophy shaped vases for no other reason that it’s so easy to write about them for Ugly Vase. I mean be serious, why does a vase need handles in the first place? If it was large enough to hold several gallons of water then I could understand handles might be useful due to the weight, but this vase stands barely four inches tall and to give it handles is just too pretentious.

Almost without exception a vase with handles is just the beginning though, something must click in the designers mind that once a vase has handles the rest of the decoration can be way over the top too and this vase is no exception. A creamy grey base coat, a foul maroon for the bottom and how about a gold trim for the lip? Why not just a touch of gold on the top of the handles? A few swirls in the body and a couple more lumps of clay to embellish the handles didn’t seem a step too far either.

If you ever see a trophy vase from a distance run a mile, I can promise you they’re even worse close up and a guarantee that the maker used every bit of artistic license going to run amok and produce a monstrosity.

I almost like this little oddity, it’s a great shape, perfect for showing a bunch of flowers splayed out so that the blooms are held in an arch rather than all bunched up with most of the flowers hidden behind the bunch…. at least it would be until you realise that this vase is only about four inches tall and you’d be pushed to get a couple of buds in it let alone a proper bouquet.

The decoration isn’t much to write home about either, a fairly unassuming base colour that isn’t the least bit off putting is then ruined with a splattering of brown dots which quite frankly look like the side of my car after driving through muddy puddles down a country lane. The rather odd looking blue fern like leaf that’s adorns the vase is upside down and doesn’t do a lot to enhance the look either as that again is splattered with brown dots.

The kindest thing you can say about this vase is it would have been ok if it was larger and if the artist had known when to stop. The base coat was perfect, the leaf decoration was I could live with, but the poo coloured dots are just a step too far.

This vase just shouts “German” at me, I might be wrong but everything about it is germanic in appearance from the robustly rotund body to the chimney neck and the solid straight-edged lip.

Of course none of that makes it attractive, in fact the German’s are pretty famous for some of the worst vase design out there with Scheurich and Fat Lava pretty much guaranteeing them the dodgiest vase reputation in the world.

Making this one worse is that it’s a sizeable chunk of clay standing about 18 inches tall, not something you could hide away in the corner of the room. This is a vase that shouts to be looked at and with it’s gouged leaf design and regimented rows of square indents looking at it is pretty much the last thing you’ll want to do.

Just for the sake of completeness this is marked on the base with 1508/35 and is rumoured to be Knogden… so if anyone offers you a vase with that shape number you’ll know to politely turn them down and not bother asking for pictures.

I’ve seen one of these vases before (well actually I own one), but I wasn’t expecting to stumble across a second one.

Why anyone took the effort to glaze vases on the inside rather than the outside I don’t know. I mean it must be a night mare to make sure none of the glaze drips onto the surface while you’re swirling it around and then firing the vase.

Still I guess we should be grateful that even though it’s gross, at least it’s functional…. well semi-functional - standing at just about four inches high it’s not really tall enough to put flowers in.

When I wrote about the blue inside out vase I suggested would be just as good if it was simply a dull brown glaze as no one’s going to see it anyway. I should have kept my proverbial mouth shut, this one IS a dull brown glaze that no one’s going to see anyway!

You just know this vase was made for ridicule, I mean even the most tolerant person couldn’t find something complimentary to say about it and I can’t think who might want to put it on display or in pride of place in their front room.

Bottle vases are such a waste of space in the first place, they can’t hold any flowers worth speaking about, which lets face it is the whole point of a vase, and in general they’re not attractive either.

This one is no different, plain brown doesn’t even make an attempt at some class. I honestly don’t know who would want this vase or what could persuade them it had the faintest iota of attractiveness. Some colour might help at least give it a semblance of interest. The shape could be more suitable, tall and thin is the ideal recipe for easy to knock over spilling the flowers and water over your coffee table.

The one and only hope for this vase is that someone, somewhere has a very thin tall window that they need some decoration for, and that brown is their favourite colour!

Is this a vase? Or is it simply a paper weight with a mis-shapen lump of glass dumped on top?

It looks strangely rude to me with it’s thick curved lip leading into a rapidly narrowing funnel. It’s not exactly useful as a vase either, too short, too thin and impossible to clean. Imagine what it’ll be like once it has some rotting mouldy leaves stuck in the bottom of the flute - it’s glass for heavens sake, you’ll never be able to hide the dirt!

I’m not sure about the blood red colour either and the bubbles in the paper weight base do nothing to enhance it’s appearance.

I guess this is one of those vases which was intended to hold a single red rose.

Trouble is they die, they look hideous, they shrivel, and if that’s the only token of love you can give the last thing you’d want is to have it sitting in a vase which is even more disgusting!

I’m almost at a loss for words as to what to say about this vase!

Seriously, it’s not finished, it’s a white reasonably shaped vase with some surface decoration but they forgot to paint it! Surely the raised flower like lumps and bumps should have had some colour? What about a base coat of something other than white emulsion (ok, ok, I know it’s a glaze, but it looks like my toilet ceramics.

I’d love to know what went through their minds? Was it late on a Friday and they just couldn’t be bothered to finish it? Was it supplied with a do it yourself paint kit? Is it just an unfinished project?

Surely they can’t have intended it to be left like this?

If they thought anyone would buy it (other than me to hold it up for ridicule ), then they must be seriously deluded!

There’s something about copper that I love, the way that left outside it’ll weather and turn from a burnished red to a worn green verdigris.

Polishing the copper back to it’s original splendor just doesn’t work, by the time the weather has done it’s job the surface will be pitted and cleaning the copper just shows every mark and blemish.

But why bother? Copper cost a fortune at the moment and it’ll take years to achieve the weathered look. Buy this vase and you get pottery masquerading as copper covered in verdigris. Yuck! Just what’s the point?

Roses, Roses, Roses! What is it about roses that people think a perfectly dull and boring white chunk of pottery will turn into a stunning vase by daubing a few smudged roses on the side? They’ve not even well executed, it looks like someone wearing an excess of lipstick has kissed it to make the roses, with green paint on their fingers leaving each leaf where they held the vase.

The roses in this case aren’t even that attractive in themselves, but regardless it’s just a pot for holding flowers. The whole point of a vase is that it’s designed to show off the most beautiful natural reproductive organs of plants (which when you come to think of it isn’t the most attractive proposition in the world anyway, but hey! In general we kinda like flowers!)

So the pot that is meant to show off the blooms should be understated to enhance the natural beauty so why on earth would you then go cover it with smudgy grungy dabs of paint?

This vase is a perfectly functional utilitarian object trying to shout “Look at me, I’m attractive!” Trouble is, it’s just another ugly vase.

Come on, what were they thinking, this vase is like an upside down traffic cone spray painted blue with a few random sun symbols sprinkled around.

It reminds me somehow of the seaside, except it’s the wrong blue and the suns aren’t yellow. With it’s rolled over top it looks like a drain pipe that’s gone wrong on it’s way out of the factory. Somehow it’s been squashed into a square form and desperate to make something useful out of it they’ve gone right ahead regardless of any taste or style.

About the only room in the house that you could hide such a grotesque item would be the bathroom. Using it as a toilet brush holder is about the only genuinely kind thing you could do to this ugly vase!